A Delicate Matter

So I work with some crazy vendors here. The annoying, pushy, call-you-everyday-for-some-work kind. But there is one that takes the cake. Let's call him Bob. Now picture this: a shortish, roundish man with a very red face, and a very bald head, and a very creepy mustache. Tres sleazy. Bob always wears the same thing when he comes to visit. Some sort of colored jeans, a tucked in flannel shirt, and cowboy boots. The cowboy boots are his signature item. They're not just any ordinary cowboy boots - they're made of some exotic animal or another. Like the green crocodile boots, or the black armadillo boots. The variety is endless. Bob also likes to make lots of inappropriate comments. Like telling people I work with that I'm his "girlfriend" despite the fact that he is about, oh, I don't know, THIRTY YEARS or so older than me. Bob used to really gross me out with his innuendo filled comments. Now Bob just cracks me up, because, seriously, who does this guy think he is?!

Oh yea, Bob is also someone with verbal diarrhea. He loves to ramble. He could talk to you until the cows come home. Today Bob made his usual weekly call to see if he can annoy a job out of me. I tell him sorry, but no thanks. And so it begins. The usual chit chat, followed by an anecdote about how another company he's working uses similar marketing materials as us. That's nice, Bob. Then Bob starts giggling. (Imagine Bob with the Texas twang that he has.)

Bob whispers conspiratorially, "But this company makes things that are....how do I saw this politically correctly....[giggle, giggle]...um...it's...."

I helpfully supply, "Not appropriate for the workplace?"

Bob giggles some more. "That's it! Definitely not workplace appropriate. How do I say this delicately? I know! They make things made in the bedroom, if you get what I mean. [giggle, giggle]"

"Yup, I gotcha Bob, thanks."

"I'm trying to figure out the PC way to say this...Their main competitor could be Johnson & Johnson."

"Yup, got it the first time Bob, thanks. Anyways, gotta go."

"Sarah, I finally figured out the politically correct way to say it...they make female lubricant!"

Silence. (As I hold a hand over my mouthpiece and laugh so hard tears are rolling down my face. Seriously. It was bad.)

"Ok, thanks again Bob, talk to you later."

Click.

How in the world was THAT the "PC" way to say it?! What other way was there? Either way it's completely inappropriate to be telling your CLIENT this. I loved all the time and energy he spent trying to "delicately" share this useless piece of information with me.

Never in my life, did I think I would be hearing the words "female lubricant" at work. Oh Bob, don't be expecting a call from me anytime soon buddy.