Doesn't Get Much Crazier Than This

So we have a Big Project coming up - one where the deadline and important dates related to it has yet to be announced.  Of course this has Nip/Tuck in a tizzy.  "How am I supposed to do anything without a deadline?!  How will we be able to reserve anything without an actual date?!"  So she decided she wanted a "brief" (which in her world means hourlong) meeting with Intern and I.  

Why?

Basically so she could force people in a closed room to listen to her vent for an hour.

The first half hour of the meeting consisted of gems like this.

"It's IMPOSSIBLE to get done everything they're asking us to do with only 4 weeks lead time." 

(we were TOLD we'd have 4 weeks to complete this since the Big Project was announced - in DECEMBER of last year!  One would think that's enough time to get used to the idea)

"I am the ONLY person in the company that could get this done in such a short time period" 

(I thought you just said it was impossible)

"I couldn't sleep last night thinking about this - I woke up at 4am today!  4am because my brain wouldn't shut off!!"

(funny, considering you still rolled in around 10:30)

"If it weren't for me this company wouldn't ever finish any Big Projects!" 

 (I actually think it's the other way around.)

After finishing her mind-numbing rants she turns to stare at Intern and I.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.

"Well, ladies, what do you think?  Can we do it?  Is it doable?"

I assume we were both thinking this was a rhetorical question because really what OTHER kind of answer is there to that question.  So we stay quiet.

"No, really ladies, what do you think?  Can we do this?"

Stupid me "Of course we can Nip/Tuck.  We may have to work really hard and stay late (which I honestly don't think we'll even have to do), but we'll get it done in the end."

Apparently Nip/Tuck does not like that answer as she ignores me completely and turns to Intern.

"Well, Intern, what do YOU think?"

Stupid Intern "it's totally doable.  We'll get it done!"  Big smile.  

Nip/Tuck is fuming.  "Well aren't you guys positive."

"Well you kind of have to be in this situation Nip/Tuck"

SERIOUSLY?  What OTHER kind of answer do you give the executives?! "No, I'm sorry a month is not enough time to do the job you hired me to do, it's impossible, so we're just not doing it?!"  I've never heard of such a thing.  That's grounds for firing.

But we all know what Nip/Tuck really wanted was a pity party.  She wanted us to say "You're right Nip/Tuck, it's impossible!  Wah wah those evil executives!  We just can't do it!" (In which case, I'm sure she would respond by saying she was just "testing" us)

Then she decides to try another tactic.

"You know girls I must apologize to you guys.  This is really all my fault.  It's my fault this is happening so I'm sorry."

"What do you mean Bea?"

"It's my fault because in the past I've always managed to pull rabbits out of hats at the last minute, so they always assume I can keep doing that now.  So this is all my fault."

WTF?!  Did this woman just try to compliment HERSELF?   What are we supposed to say to that?

"Oh that's ok Nip/Tuck, we accept your apology for being too awesome!"

If "awesome" now means crazy, psycho, worse than a cat-lady, then yes, we accept your apology.