I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty

Anyone I know who has ever had even a single conversation with The Grinch knows that it always goes back to the same topic: The Grinch. The Grinch loves herself more than any other person in existence. She loves herself so much that she never fails to bring up how pretty she is or how someone told her she's so pretty. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. You could be talking about the weather and she'll manage to slip in something like, "Oh I knew a weatherman once, but he was annoying because all he could do was tell me how pretty I am." Or, "I once walked past a table for 10 men and they all stopped eating and stopped me and told me I'm the prettiest woman they'd ever seen and they just wanted me to know." Or at our co-worker's going away lunch, "Oh yea so I was in that meeting and this guy mentioned how well put together I looked, and then...". That's enough to make any sane human being gag by itself as well as suspect she's a big fat liar.

But the strangest part of all this, and this is not to sound like typical female cattiness, The Grinch despite all her delusions, is NOT hot stuff. That's the part that always gets everyone's head scratching. Now don't get me wrong, she's decently attractive. She keeps herself in good shape. It's not out of the realm of feasibility that men would compliment her now and then. But she's not anything to write home about either. As the teller of truth, the Dominatrix once said, "Girl, she ain't no Angelina Jolie. She ain't even a Britney Spears."

Now with other people, one might assume that this is a facade to mask some deep personal insecurity. But The Grinch is like no other. She sincerely believes she is the prettiest, she is the princess, she is better than most. To no end does she bring up the fact that not only is she an only child, she is an only grandchild, no cousins, and I'm guessing not too many childhood friends either. I suspect her familial unit poured on compliments trying to build up her self-esteem only to have inadvertently create a monster instead.

The Grinch is also convinced that due to her prettiness several men in the building have become her stalkers. Because they are way too nice to her in the elevator and always smiling at her. REALITY CHECK: We work in a company that is comprised of 85% people over the age of 50. The old men smile and are old-man flirty with anyone who is a female who appears to have all her body parts in working order (and sometimes not even that) and under the age of 45. But no, it's all about The Grinch. Having finally met the one old security guard she's convinced is head over heels for her, and she avoids at all costs, he brings up that he knows my boss. Oh yea?

"Yea, The Grinch, right? She's all right, not bad looking. But with The Grinch it's all about The Grinch and her head's about the size of Texas."

Amen, old man, amen.