So Stanley is great. Stanley provides endless amounts of amusement. Stanley is a big fan of speakerphone. Huge. So big that he doesn’t ever NOT use the speakerphone. Stanley’s office is about 10 feet away from my cube.
This is our morning routine (although I doubt Stanley knows this): Stanley comes in, humming, of course. Puts his phone on speaker, and starts listening to all his messages – which means we ALL get to listen to all his messages. Then he starts checking the balance on all of his bank accounts and credit cards. EVERY SINGLE DAY. I now know that he has a balance of $96.78 on his MasterCard ending in 6710. I know his PIN to his bank account. I know the last 10 purchases he made with his check card. I know his mother’s maiden name! Stanley is very lucky that I am a nice person who has morals.
Stanley also loves shopping via mail-order catalogue. So much so that the customer service reps at Sharper Image know him by voice and name as they resignedly say, “What can I help you with today, Stanley?”. I know this because I HEAR all of this.
Even right now, as I write this, I am hearing Stanley not being fast enough to enter his PIN as the system hangs up on him saying “Sorry you’re out of time. Please hang up and try again.”
Yes, Stanley, please hang up and try again. For ALL our sakes.
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