The Big Projects Hits a Big Climax

I know it's been forever, and I never finished the tale of the Big Project.  I've been out on leave the past month, and am dreading going back to what I affectionately call "Hell", but at least it allows me some time to catch up on my blogging. 

Where did we last leave off?  Oh yea, Nip/Tuck was losing her shiz because the deadline for the Big Project was looming nearer screaming about fire drills and whanot.  The Grinch, was, per usual, not doing much with both the actual work and the craziness that Nip/Tuck was spreading, because The Grinch is L-A-Z-Y.  Even He/She, who never likes to get involved in our departmental insanity, was reaching her limits with Nip/Tuck (which is amazing considering she's sat next to the Devil for 2 decades and still kept her cool).  

So the day of Big Project arrives.  Nip/Tuck continues to complain about how she's being forced to throw together this Big Project on short notice and how she doesn't even know where to begin.  Hence she stays late every night sitting and staring blankly at the wall in a self-induced panic while I do all of the real work and hope she doesn't screw it all up.  When the actual day finally arrives, Nip/Tuck tells everyone on our team is specifically told to dress in black, and to dress professionally, as many bigwigs will be present during the day of.  I told her the evening before that I would be wearing a black dress with a black jacket and black tights.  She nods her approval.  But we all know how daylight affects the Devil...dun dun dun...

Come morning, both Intern and I, dressed practically identically, arrive at the same time and walk over to Nip/Tuck to check in.  She is with another person.  We already know she will be a crazy b*tch all day, so decide to just be as cheerful as we can be.   As we walk up we see her glaring evilly at us.  Evil, evil.

"Good morning Nip/Tuck!"

A beat of silence.  Then the screaming starts.  I don't mean she just spoke loudly.  I mean she freakin' started yelling.

"I swear to God, I will shoot you myself and tear the clothes off of your body if you are still wearing dresses in an hour!"

Many beats of silence.

"Uhhh...it's nice to see you too Nip/Tuck."  We quickly walk away in case she decided to hit us.  We are both befuddled as we look around and see that all of the other women are dressed exactly like we are.  

About an hour later Nip/Tuck finds us and gives us her version of an apology.

"Listen, girls, I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier, but you never ever wear dresses to a day when you might be bending over and moving stuff." (NOTE: I never had to bend over ONCE that day, and it wouldn't have mattered anyways since my dress was long). "And, Sarah, I now remember you had already told me what you'd be wearing last night and said you'd be comfortable in that, but Intern, you must NEVER do this again - do you understand?!"

Umm...ok.  What I understand is that you are a crazy, irrational, emotional hot mess of a person - if you are even an actual human being. 

But I did underestimate her talents.  Dear Reader J nailed it on the head.  "Wow that's a physical threat AND sexual harassment!  You gotta hand it to her - she's multitasking!"

Touche, J, Touche!